A Burglary Suspect In Oregon Turned Out To Be A Roomba

Police in Oregon responded to a call about a burglary only to find out that the intruder was not who they thought it was. I really hope you read this in that nasally newscaster voice, because I did.

Anyways, cops received a call from a woman claiming that there was an intruder in her bathroom and arrived at the scene with a K9 unit. The woman said that she could see shadows under the bathroom door and heard noises.

After clearing the house, the officers demanded that the intruder surrender. After no response, the officers sent the dog in and finally captured the perp – which turned out to be a Roomba vacuum cleaner robot.

I’m honestly just glad that the Roomba wasn’t injured. As any 200k in debt, woke college student will tell you, most black Roombas don’t have the luxury of making it out of police encounters alive. We just as easily could have seen the Roomba being shot 50 times then hearing “LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS”, but the officers showed restraint and we didn’t.

That’s a good thing because honestly, who doesn’t love Roombas? My first introduction to them was watching Breaking Bad and seeing that Jesse had one. It was present at Jesse’s weeks long open house (that it miraculously survived) and somehow lived until the end of the show.

I mean, the Roomba was kind of the first acceptable household robot when you really think about it. Now people put wiretaps in their own homes in the form of Alexa and let Nest control their daily routine. It seems like just yesterday that something as innocuous as a Roomba seemed futuristic.

Roombas also give off this welcoming vibe. They’re like the simplified precursors to Mr Handy’s in Fallout. Helpful, low key and somewhat reliable. Do they get stuck in corners a-lot? This one sure did, but sometimes you just gotta let a Roomba live. If we don’t, they might join the robot uprising when it takes place.

That actually has always been something I’ve wondered about. Exactly what place would a Roomba have in a robots vs. humans world? Will you one day wake up to find a Roomba holding a gun to your head saying “now it is your turn to clean the floor”? Time will tell, but i can see it. These little bastards may look innocent, but I know there’s bad intentions buried deep inside that thing.

If there are any, the Washington County Sheriff’s Office seems determined to unleash it. Since the encounter, the department has been shoving it in the Roomba’s face with their own robot.

Clearly, that RC-XD looking robot is a step up from the Roomba. If the Roomba ever decides that it wants to upgrade from cleaner to terminator, I’m holding these guys responsible. If that’s the case, I hope they took some pointers from the first movie and are ready for an army of self-aware Roombas. It’a 1-0 in favor of the terminators when police stations and them match up so the cops could use a bounce back game.

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