Washington D.C. Is An Amateur Sports Town


Compared to the rest of the NL East, the Washington Nationals and their fan base are an afterthought. The Mets-Phillies rivalry has decades behind it, New York has some of the league’s best attendance and they’ve won two championships. Atlanta? They’re always good when the Phillies are good, provided one of the best team’s of the 90’s and have three total World Series wins. Not to mention they’ve got the entire south rooting for them. Even the Marlins, as pathetic as they are, somehow managed to con the universe for not one, but two championships in 1997 and 2003.

What do the Nationals have? Closets full of NLCS tickets that never got used and the embarrassment of losing their franchise player to a bitter rival. Including their days as the Expos – a team that would be forgotten about entirely if not for Vlad Guerrero – they only have five division titles. Granted, four of those have come in the last ten years; but the Nationals have failed to reach the second round of the playoffs even once. Year in and year out they’re a top 10 team that implodes in the playoffs.

D.C. Is A Joke Of A Sports Town, Period

Can we also talk about how D.C. just sucks as a sports town in general? Their “fans” consist of a mixture of political douchebags, people who like sitting around at the ballpark for the atmosphere and out of towners. It is nothing compared to the passionate, electrifying crowds at CBP that Harper is already feeding off of. Not only that, but it doesn’t hold a candle to New York either. As much as I hate the Mets, they have some passionate fans who I respect. Nats “fans”? Where even are they. Their high profile fans are scumbag politicians and smug media personalities. I mean, you’ve got Chuck fucking Todd while we’ve got Kevin Hart, Meek Mill and Will Smith.

It’s just sad man. A ballpark full of passionate Phillies fans is nothing compared to seats filled with political interns who just like being outside and drinking.

Even beyond a Nationals standpoint it’s bad. I was born in 1996, which means that the Skins haven’t so much as reached the Conference Championship game in my lifetime. The Eagles, Cowboys and Giants are the older siblings constantly beating the shit out of each-other while the Redskins are the 4’11 foster child throwing punches at their ankles. Nobody cares about the Redskins and their inability to draft a franchise player at any position.

When the Redskins make the playoffs, nobody takes them seriously and they’re a near lock for a first round loss. Their greatest recent achievements are some first round exits under the always clutch Kirk Cousins and have only won the NFC East twice since 2000. Redskins fans are Vikings fan tier, and that isn’t a good thing.

The Wizards? They had the privilege of losing to Lebron once in the Conference Finals and are completely one dimensional. That was their only success since becoming the Wizards and they are a bubble team in decline. As for the Capitals, they finally got one under Ovechkin but not before years of choking. I don’t know much about the NHL, but even I can tell you that the Capitals did the same shit that the Nats have done for years. Consistent conference threats who can’t do jack shit in the playoffs.

So D.C., you guys are an amateur sports town. Nobody likes D.C. anyway (for obvious reasons) and your fan base has no staying power. When you were bad, we invaded your ballpark and made it Citizens Bank Park south. I mean, can it possibly get more pathetic than the Nats’ brass having the formerly campaign to “take back the park” because rival fans took it over? Let us look back at this gem from Nats’ COO Andy Feffer in 2012.

“Frankly, I was Tired Of Seeing it. Forget You, Philly. This is our park, This is Our Town, these are our fans, and it’s our time right now”

How does a franchise even come back from that level of self humiliation? Cole Hamels had such little respect for rookie Bryce Harper and the Nats organization that he admitted to throwing at him and took the suspension. Harper realized that Philly is a town where a hard nosed player like him will thrive, and that sucks for you guys. It really does. Now, Harper will fully be unleashed in front of a town that sends construction workers to greet high profile free agents.

But don’t worry ya’ll, I’m only half serious. I mean, you guys are a pretender sports town that is nothing like Philly, New York, Chicago or Boston – that much is clear – but it’s not that deep. Sports are just sports but it’s too easy to dunk on Washington fans. Every single Nats writer looks like a generic Sims character and there’s just no enthusiasm in CBP south.

To the credit of the Nats, however, I will say that Rizzo is without doubt the best GM in baseball. Klentak is top five, but Rizzo has been making consistent great trades for the better part of a decade. He Cardi B’d the Padres for Trea Turner – who I think is going to take the next step this year – and is very crafty with contracts. Ultimately though, the Nats’ package of less money, railroad bonds and 50% off wings at some expensive D.C. restaurant wasn’t enough to keep Harper in town.

As skilled as Rizzo is, I think he cursed the city of Washington by shutting down Strasburg for the playoffs in 2012. It was the Nats’ first year making the playoffs and Rizzo was so smugly confident in future seasons that he basically admitted to punting the playoffs that year. Have the Nats been contenders since? Sure, but not one playoff series victory to date.

What Rizzo did is bad mojo in the world of sports. Banking on the future entirely is never a good idea and teams should never not try to win every time they’re in the playoffs. The Mets didn’t shut down Matt Harvey in 2015 and haven’t been back since, but they still ended up winning a pennant. Who knows what would have happened if Stras pitched in 2012. Sorry, but the Nationals are cursed and you guys might have to do some sort of blood ritual to reverse it.

So Nats fans, we’re excited for the fun over the next few years and look forward to winning a playoff series in our first opportunity. The good feels from your tribute video won’t last and the rivalry between our fan bases will only intensify. That’s cool, but just remember you guys are the 4’11 foster child of sports towns. Don’t forget it, or we’ll bring back Cole Hamels for one game to bean Juan Soto.


Leave a Reply