Twitter is a strange yet amazing place. It has a subsection for basically everything and produces some of the funniest content on the internet. If something exists, you better believe there’s a Twitter for it. On there primarily for sports content? It won’t be hard at all to find yourself locked into a network of like-minded people.
As much as Twitter makes it easy for users to stay in loops, there are certain things that everyone gets. All users see trending topics – which aren’t always organic – and Twitter’s news services. There are filters available, but some things are just inescapable. If there’s a promoted hashtag or news event, it will be seen.
One of the most inescapable aspects of Twitter is Donald Trump and his tweets. Trump has used social media as a direct line to the people and has had some gems, to say the least. While his base may love it, Twitter is an overwhelmingly left-leaning platform and Jack Dorsey has a serious case of “orange man bad”. As a result, the majority of Trump coverage is comically negative.
If it makes Trump look bad, it will sell. This has been the motto for radical leftists who will do whatever it takes to bring down agent orange. In terms of Twitter, this has lead to a cast of incredibly strange characters getting a boost from the algorithms.
No matter what someone goes on Twitter for, they have undoubtedly seen the replies to Trump’s tweets. Since the early days of his campaign, the overwhelming majority of the replies to Trump’s tweets are childish insults from people you never have never heard of. When I tell you that these people are whack, that is putting it mildly. This list has stage four Trump derangement syndrome and then some. Their entire Twitter presence is devoted to sensational tweets about taking down Trump and hopping in his mentions with insults.
Here are the ten most whacked out, bat-shit insane, borderline parody Trump Twitter trolls.
Jim Carrey
We’ll start with one of the few on this list who used to have a career before terminal TDS set in. Carrey was one of the biggest comedy stars of the 90’s, starring in the Ace Ventura series, Dumb and Dumber and The Truman Show. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m typing this. You know who Jim Carrey is, or was.
Nowadays, Jim Carrey spends his days creating some of the most disturbing artwork you will ever see. Whenever there’s a big news event or talking point, you can be sure that Jim Carrey will be sharing some of his artwork with us. This shit is so creepy that if a teenager drew it, you would think about bolting towards the door whenever they slowly reach into their backpack.
I mean Jesus fuck man, what exactly am I looking at here? I see that and say “yup, whoever drew that is a completely stable individual who I want political advice from”. It looks like Voldemort before he was reborn and the faces are legitimately unnerving. Whatever it is, it’s a reflection of Jim Carrey’s demented mind and I have many questions as to what drug/trauma combo created this.
Oh, and that painting is far from the only one. The guy shares these works of art with the world about every two weeks, so lucky us.
Bill Palmer – Palmer Report
The “Palmer Report” is an example of an absolute lunatic gaining clout just because he’s against Trump. In the early days of the Trump presidency, this guy was one of the many who would CONSTANTLY be in his feed. We’re not talking once a week, once a day, once an hour even. Palmer replied, and still does reply, to every single Trump tweet with a thread of his own. This guy will jump to any conclusion required if it means getting the orange man. Truly, his feed is something to behold.
My favorite thing about this guy is how he does these daily “Donald Trump’s day so far” lists. Each and every day is a disaster of epic proportions according to Palmer. They always include some combination of “end of Drumpf” material followed by “it’s only ___ PM”.
Like Carrey’s demented artwork, these tweets are a frequent occurrence. The sky has been falling in Palmer Report’s world for two years straight and has no intention of stopping.
It’s honestly surreal to watch a guy like this. Follow this guy for three days and you’ll see that it’s pure one-note click bait; but the guy has absolutely no self awareness and continues these weekly “Donald Trump’s day so far” bombshell threads. Watching Bill Palmer work makes me feel like I’m observing nature. He’s a creature that you can’t possibly understand so you just focus on taking it in.
Ron Perlman
Ron Perlman is yet another guy who let his obsession with “little Donnie” ruin his career. Known as the narrator from the Fallout series, the Hellboy movies and the incredibly drawn out Sons of Anarchy, Perlman is less concerned with his acting career and more concerned with living rent free inside Trump’s head.
He always calls him “little Donnie” and once bragged about pissing on his hand before shaking it with Harvey Weinstein’s in a total r/thathappened tweet. Lost on little Ronnie was: 1., how it’s such obvious bullshit and 2., it would mean that he knew and said nothing. Instead of whistle blowing, he allowed Weinstein to do what he did. But hey man, he pissed on his hand which as you know, deserves extreme bragging rights.
In reality, Perlman had no problem with Harvey Weinstein or any of his ilk so long as he had a career. If Charlie Hunnam was giving him that evil stare-down before miraculously solving whatever beef the club was having with an ethnic gang that season, he was down for whatever. Now, he wants us to believe that he’s a morally righteous crusader who’s doing the lord’s work by fighting Little Donnie on Twitter.
For what it’s worth, Ron Perlman is one hideous mother fucker. I have no idea what a jackal looks like, but getting told that you look like a jackal doesn’t sound like something good, so I’m gonna go ahead and say he looks like a jackal.
Eric Swalwell, Ted Lieu and Adam Schiff
I’ll include these three together because they’re all more or less the same. Each of these three are radical, leftist congressmen from California. All three have built their careers off of attacking Trump on any and everything. Mostly, they’ve talked about the Russia investigation – which was nothing more than coup attempt – and still do to this day. Without Twitter, these partisan hacks would be nothing. They’re consistently “owning” Trump on Twitter with empty rhetoric and dramatic accusations.
These three are just a few of the many Democrats who threw all civility out the window over one election loss. Instead of campaigning better and coming up with policy, they called the President of the United States a traitor without any evidence.
Most of the names on this list are just clowns you laugh at, but Eric “we have nukes” Swalwell and the boys are truly ghoulish. They will say whatever it takes in order to gain a nice Twitter dunk – however divisive or damaging it is to the country be damned.
“Bishop” Talbert Swan
Talbert Swan is your classic racist who gets a pass by telling the world he’s just fighting for justice. He’ll go on a rant about white people yet 3/4 of his likes are pampered white college students who lock their car doors as “the blacks” walk by. It is very rare that you see this guy tweeting about something other than race and he can be routinely found in Trump’s mentions.
Like Palmer Report, Swan is a complete nobody outside of coming at Trump on Twitter. His entire feed is devoted to anti-Trump material and he throws words like “white supremacist” around like candy. The sad thing about that of course is that he’s cheapening the meaning of serious term. There are actual white supremacists, but clowns like Swan have cheapened the term to mean “any white person who isn’t a walking doormat”.
I’ve also gotta ask how my man just woke up and declared himself a bishop. Aren’t there ceremonies and traditions that need to be followed to achieve such a title? I guess not.
Bette Midler
Bette Midler is a washed up, Hollywood has-been who is now devoted to “resisting” Trump on Twitter. I’m 22 and I can honestly say that I only know this woman by name. Looking at her career, it looks like she was just your typical forced star who is replaced decade after decade.
Midler is now 73 and spends every waking second attacking Trump on Twitter. A little research shows that this beef has been going on for quite some time, long before Trump ran for office. Just take a look at this vintage Trump tweet.
The king of political correctness has a long running beef with Midler, which explains a-lot. It just shows that like most entitled elites, her personal desires far outweigh any of the things she claims to represent. For Midler, “resistance” is just a way of stroking her own ego.
Dr. Eugene Gu
Dr. Eugene Gu is another individual who would be completely irrelevant without his “activism”. This dude cheapens the term “white supremacy” infinitely more than everyone’s favorite bishop could ever hope to do. Every word out of his mouth is “white supremacy” or some other hysterical drama that has no basis in reality
The funniest part about him is how Asians never seem to be the ones complaining about shit. They kinda just do their thing and aren’t typically the ones you hear talking about “white privilege”. I guess Dr. Eugene is shouldering the load?
Gu can be found in just about every Trump related thread, which really makes me wonder if he ever has time to heal his patients. He’s also quite easy to get a reply out of, so have at it.
Alyssa Milano
Alyssa Milano was once stunningly gorgeous but has now become a full time Twitter troll. She’s also not very good at it either. Nobody on this list has more outright blunders than Milano, including this weird tweet where she identified as a bunch of minority groups.
Of course, she was raked over the coals by woke Twitter for that. There’s always some smug, 300K in debt feminist with a cat named Calypso woker than you on Twitter. No matter what, you can never win with this crowd because their movement isn’t based in reality. The entire social justice left is motivated purely by the attention they get from pontificating. Don’t kid yourself, that’s what it’s about.
It’s hilarious to watch those like Milano and Joe “I’m sorry that I’m white” Biden crawl over broken glass for the approval of a mob that will never be satisfied. Milano is the definition of a leftist shill but even that isn’t good enough.
Shaf Patel
Unlike every other name on this list, Shaf Patel is no longer active on Twitter. He’s somewhat of a throwback in that regard.
You may remember seeing Patel in Trump’s feed up until a few months ago. The guy obviously had some sort of software he was using to reply to tweets because he would do the same exact script for every Trump tweet. Patel, who is blind, infamously got caught up in one of my personal favorite hoaxes of the Trump era.
Patel was so desperate to find some racism that he actually got caught sending fake hate tweets to himself. We can only wonder how many “racist trolls” this dude had in his botnet before he finally went down. In short, he went full Jussie Smollet a full year earlier. Very low IQ, SAD!
Thankfully, Patel’s account has since been suspended. I was kinda looking forward to more fake hate tweets, but what can ya do?
Ed And Brian Krassenstein
Last but certainly not least we have the Krassenstein brothers. These two have become a symbol of the loony left and one of the most unintentionally hilarious aspects of the Trump era. These guys reply to every single Trump tweet without fail and are against him 100% of the time. The Krassenstein brothers even manage to take issue with generic stuff like holiday good wishes so long as it was tweeted by Trump.
What really makes the Krassensteins stand out is their longevity. No other Twitter trolls have devoted so much time and effort into defeating the orange man. They are so ridiculous with their constant nagging that it almost seems like a parody. You just somehow know that these two are laughing all the way to the bank, but at the same time you can’t tell if they’re completely serious.
Overall, the most bizarre stunt the Krassensteins have pulled was an unsettling children’s book about President Trump. Titled “How The People Trumped Ronald Plump”, the book is some of the most insane shit you will ever see. The content is so unbelievably ham-fisted and is entirely based on a collection of 2017 “orange man bad” talking points that were no longer relevant by the time this masterpiece finally dropped.
The creepiest part of the book is this male stripper version of Robert Mueller that may or may not reveal some repressed fantasies these guys have.
Honestly though, the Krassensteins are larger than life characters who I just can’t even believe are real. I wish they never stop tweeting because then we would be robbed of comedic gold like the above work of art.
Never change ponzi bros, never change.
This was well written and interesting.